This happened in December, so it's not very timely, but is still amusing. Bear with me.
All over our village, someone has decorated the stop signs. They've added "war" under the "stop". Now, this is a message I can get behind, but really? Every frickin' sign?
So we're driving through town, and I point this out to Sam. "We'll see what the next president and congress do," he says.
Ethan pipes up from the back seat. "I hope they don't draw on our signs because I'll be like, 'What???'"
And I make no promises for this one either.
We spent a lovely day at the zoo today... I'm sure something funny happened... Oh! Sam donated a portion of his buffalo chicken wrap to the bin, at which point a black squirrel (as the zoo has both grey and black (okay, really dark brown), I feel the need to specify) (and by "has", I mean the little bastards own all the eating areas) climbed into the garbage can and reemerged with- not the bread of the wrap, as one would expect a cute little tree rat to choose- but a chunk of buffalo-sauce-dipped chicken.
What the mother hell? When did squirrels start eating meat??? He was apparently not a fan of the sauce itself because he systematically tore off the exterior surface of said chicken chunk, the scraps of which he then carefully dropped on our heads. Because he was in a tree. Because he was a squirrel. Eating chicken.
Now the grey squirrels. They ate the saucy bits that the black squirrel discarded. I'm not sure who is tougher in this situation, the black squirrel with his mad "I takes what I wants and I drops these icky bits on your heads" skills, or the grey squirrels who would like a shot of jack to go with these chicken wings, please.
I don't know if it's the time of year or the sun was just right, but you could see right through the fur of the black squirrel's tail, right down to the nasty pink skin. It's a good thing they have that fur because their tails look JUST. Like. Rat Tails. JUSTLIKE.
As a bonus, I present a Sarah&Sam conversation, driving on the way to the zoo:
Sam: Whoa! We just played chicken with a whole flock of birds! We won, though.
Sarah: I'm pretty sure we didn't. I didn't hear any thump thumps.
UPDATE: I just looked the smarmy little rodents up on Wikipedia. "However some squirrels also consume meat, especially when faced with hunger. Squirrels have been known to eat insects, eggs, small birds, snakes and rodents." The day I see a squirrel eating a snake? I know it's the apocalypse.
The super famous Cate (seriously, she only has to kill about 480,000 people to be number one) sponsors Six Word Saturday again!
A Day of Hockey and Laundry
Thank you, thank you very much. No need for applause, your undying adoration is enough.
whom I lovingly gave birth to and have fed and clothed and sheltered pretty much all of the time since then- that pulled all the clean clothes out of the dryer and threw them all over the floor last night.
It's like you want me to fail.
Listen. I'm not saying that she's my parenting role model...
I'm saying she is specifically channeling my soul.
It's as if she is me.
Here she is.
And, yes, it's a commercial. And, yes, it is on youtube. You'll survive it.
Apparently I took a page out of Cate's book before I had even read it. (Post out of Cate's blog?... No, that's a frickin' stupid saying.)
As soon as I got home from work, I got on chat and this conversation with my friend Cassie ensued:
me: hallloooooo
and how's JJ today?
FlutterBy: no idea
but he's been there since 7am
me: did you notice how i beat the hell out of him in a dark alley last night?
FlutterBy: thank you
me: no problem
he took me for serious, then
Uh, let me pause here to say that I, indeed, did not beat the hell out of anyone last night, dark alley or otherwise. And if I did, I was just being a supportive friend. Her jerkoff plumber can't seem to find the time to do the job he's been paid for.
FlutterBy: uh huh
me: as i was kicking him in the stomach i was yelling you! will! work! all! day! at! FlutterBy's! house!
and that bitch was all WHO'S FLUTTERBY!?!?!
FlutterBy: o.O
someone's hyper
me: bc i feel tons better
FlutterBy: yay
So, yeah, the point I was making was that those kids gave me the plague, but I survived. There was a full day, though, where I got out of the lounge chair once. In total. After having slept there. And by "slept" I mean "stayed up all night vomiting". Ever been in a car accident? One where you really get hit? (Or, I suppose, do the hitting, but I wouldn't know about that.) If not, you feel like it was you, and not your car, that was hit by a truck. That's how I felt that whole day. But I can walk again now. So yay! I guess that's less faking it and more real joy. I'm willing to share.
But only because two- two- sisters tagged me. This is a 37 odd questions one.
1. Do you like bleu cheese? Pretty much any food question is likely to get the same answer. Blech.
2. Have you ever smoked? ME??? No! Why would you ever think that!??
3. Do you own a gun? No, but, like my sister, I want to learn because of movies. I never wanna be that wussy woman that can't defend herself because she doesn't know the safety's on. That being said, I'm also not gonna be that jerk parent whose kid shoots up the school.
4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite? Like I said, blech.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? Do you know what is in those things? Just kidding, but I don't eat red meat, so turkey dogs are cool.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Puhlease. A Christmas Story.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee. As much as I can remember to drink before it's stone cold- sometimes after.
9. Can you do push ups? Why? Why would I want to do that?
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Eh. I'm too damn lazy to remember my jewelry most of the time, other than the wedding ring.
11. Favorite hobby? Sleeping? I dunno, reading? Whatever I can do at home.
12. Do you have A. D. D.? No?
13. Do you wear glasses/contacts? Nope, the eye doctor told me to not bother coming back until I turn forty.
14. Middle name? Danger.
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: I will not vomit. I need to call into work. Please, God, don't let those kids vomit.
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink. Coffee, milk, seltzer. Trying to not drink so much soda. Dunno why, I see no difference! (Maybe it's that I never guzzled six six-packs a day, like that woman on Oprah.)
17. Current worry? Pay attention. Vomit.
18. Current hate right now? The hell? VOMIT.
19. Favorite place to be? I love my house. I could deal with some warm beach, though.
20. How did you bring in the new year? I honored it with sleep.
21. Where would you like to go? Back to bed.
22. Name three people who will complete this: I don't pass these on.
23. Do you own slippers? I do! I'm looking into some kitten mittens, though.
24 What color shirt are you wearing? Dirty.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Eh. So long as they're clean. And not scratchy. And also has an electric mattress pad underneath.
26. Can you whistle? Yes? Is that really a big deal?
27. Where are you now? In a state of exhaustion.
28. Would you be a pirate? I'd be a kick-ass pirate. I would freakin' steal your stuff and have no regrets.
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Round Here, Counting Crows. All the time, for more than a decade. I apologize to my family.
30. Favorite Girl's Name? My kids are way too old for me to even give a damn about theoretical names.
31. Favorite boy's name? And again.
32. What is in your pocket right now? Even if I did pockets, there'd only ever be my cell phone in it, and a ten if I'm lucky. If I'm at work, a pen and a sharpie.
33. Last thing that made you laugh? Obama's interview with Matt Lauer. Apparently his Blackberry turns into a car, for quick getaways.
34. What vehicle do you drive? I dunno. Some piece of crap that gets me from A to B. That someone just puked in.
35. Worst injury you've ever had? Not much. I broke my arm three times as a child. The car accident hurt like hell for weeks, but I wasn't actually injured. (Did you know you use chest muscles to turn the steering wheel? I found this out the hard way when I tried to drive days after the accident.)
36. Do you love where you live? I love my home. I hate this weather. And the germs. And not being able to air out the house of germs because of the weather.
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? None. We don't believe in television. (Did I say that with a straight face?)
