Yeah, what of it?!

FlutterBy: i have next friday off. it's good frime: ah
yes
no maunday thursday off?FlutterBy: nope
slackers
speaking of slackers
you haven't posted in FOREVERme: what do you want me to post???
did you just call me a slacker!?!?!?FlutterBy: nope
never

Ladies of the Night, You've Been Warned

Sam: Our financial situation would be so much better if I didn't have to pay for sex so often.

Me: And I'd have so much more free time if I didn't have to go out and kill hookers every weekend.

Dealt with a woman today...

...who asked me which weighed more- a half-pound that came in a bag or a half-pound that came in a box. I'm so proud of myself. I didn't call her a moron- to her face.

The Origins of "My Drunk Monkeys"

Welcome to another edition of "here is a piece of my life that I already shared with Cassie, and would like to now share with you through copy/paste":

me: Emily: "there's no such things as ghosts"
Connor: "oh yeah? prove it!"
hardly fairFlutterBy: that's wrong
shouldn't it be
there ARE no such things as ghosts?
grammar failme: yes
AND they're arguingFlutterBy: i'm not sure how one would prove that, exactly
i think there's some sort of "burden of proof on the side of the accuser"me: but she said "I WILL prove it! I'll stomp on every part of the kitchen!"FlutterBy: it's as good as any defense!
i'm not sure what it accomplishes exactly but at least she's a woman of actionme: C: "so! maybe the ghost is invisible!"
E: "but i don't FEEL anything!"
C: "maybe you DON'T feel anything from a ghost!"FlutterBy: poor emmy
she's not gonna be able to win this one so muchme: it's like living with drunk monkeysFlutterBy: ahh, but at least they're YOUR drunk monkeysme: well, so THEY claimFlutterBy: no child birth memories to go by?me: come ON!
if i had memories of those things, would i have had a second or third child??? i mean, who's crazy enough to DO that???FlutterBy: "they" say you magically forget
that it's one of those nature's miracle thingsme: it's a defense mechanism... like ptsd

Six Word Saturday

Cate Cate Cate Cate Cate

They're building bookshelves.
I am watching.

It's all more amusing after a couple glasses of wine.

Somehow it came about that Emily decided she could jump up and down, while holding onto the arm of a chair, for a full hour.

My father-in-law started timing it for her.

Emily: What'll you give me if I do it?
Phil: I'll give you all the money I have in this pocket.
Emily: I'll bet you don't even have any money in that pocket.
Phil: Maybe I have a hundred dollar bill!

At the six minute mark, Emily groaned and collapsed.

Phil: I suppose I get to keep my hundred dollars.
Emily: I suppose you can't even show me those hundred dollars!

She's currently trying again.

Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery

I'm going to make a confession, like Cate. However, this is probably more of a plea. My confession: My patience, while miles more than it was pre-children, is not what I'd like it to be. This is most evident when I am trying to teach something to someone who simply does not want to grasp the concept. With effort, I've become decent at not snapping and yelling during homework or housework training or- and here is the current issue- teaching a child to ride a bike. I want to tear out my hair, but I don't! So, win!

My beloved Ethan is trying that tautly held patience. He wants to learn to ride a bike. Sorta. Kinda. No, nevermind. It's too hard. This is the problem with Ethan. He doesn't want to try something until he's sure of the proper way of doing it (which he got from me, yes, I know, shut up). Fine. Problem is, bike riding cannot work like that. I know he wants to know how to ride. He is just afraid to learn. He is both afraid of getting hurt and of failure- so this is a double hit to his self-esteem. If he didn't want to learn, I would not care.

So comes my plea. How do I get this kid on a bike? This is not a "how do I buck up my kid" problem. I can do that. So long as it's not followed with repeated dismal failure. I need a tried-and-true (and not black-and-blue) method for getting him riding. Help me help my child!