Sunday, January 25, 2009

Wii Hissy Fit

So. The Wii Fit. The... video game. Yeah. Video games should not hand your ass to you, much less your sore ass. And thighs. And also, it's rude! The board- the board- made some jab about me tripping while just walking. This was after it gave me crap for my BMI- said it was fair and then trashed me anyway, frickin' thing. That was after it weighed me and blew up my mii, just expanded it on the screen- not a lot, grant you, but really, does any woman want to see a representation of her balloon even a little? Frankly, if it's going to be attacking me from the get-go... I just don't need that kind of pressure.

This thing has games. And by "games" I mean "one to two minute trials that make me feel fat, lazy, and somewhat whale-like". I admit, some of them are fun- right up until the end of the round where it actually says "uncoordinated" on the screen. The hell? Screw you, meanie bully video game.

And then there's also this whole test where you have to hit a soccer ball with your head, which supposedly has something to do with balance, but I don't know what getting hit in the head with cleats and panda heads (panda heads!) has to do with me showing that I have the ability to stand on my two feet.

There's also breathing. A section on breathing. There is a timed, scored section on breathing. Did you know it's okay to breathe out through your mouth but you really should breathe out through your nose? So they say, but you don't get a higher score for it, as they haven't made a controller small enough to fit up your nostril. Yet. So, really, if they're not going to give me more points, then I see no reason to do it their way.

But! It's not a waste! There are bonuses! (Other than the supposed health benefits and weight loss. We'll see, cruel exercise board.) There's a "bank". That bank keeps track of my minutes. And when I have collected enough minutes, I get a prize! (More workouts. For God's sake. Kill me.) No matter the prize suck-mastery, I'm still a winner!

1 comment:

Call Me Cate said...

I fail at breathing. And balancing, and sitting still. I also get repeatedly beat in the head by cleats and pandas. I feel so betrayed by the pandas. Do they not realize how much money I have donated to save them from their own stupidity?