Thursday, October 28, 2010

Politicians Should be Subject to the National Do Not Call Registry

Somebody link me to one of those websites where you can create a petition... Okay, no, don't do that. Instead, if someone could just create one for me?

I propose a new law to expand the Do Not Call Registry to include those Asshole Political Candidates.

Yes, I'm still on this topic.

In the last hour, I have hung the answering machine up twice on calls for candidates. This does not include the two calls that didn't make it to the answering machine.

This also does not include the previous three days where I got three calls a day from the same phone number that turned out to be some polling group paid for by censored candidate running for censored political office. That shit didn't stop until I finally picked up the phone and screamed obscenities.

Am I normally this rude? No, never. Is this nonsense turning me violently angry? Abso-frickin-lutely.

You know what else? I've already made my decisions. All you will do is push me toward the other candidate. You think there's a ton of people who haven't already decided? Bullshit. They already did. If they're undecided at this point, they're going with the candidate running under the party they already associate themselves with. They only say they're undecided because they don't want to admit that they've done no research on any of you bastards and are going to vote blindly, anyway. The others that truly are undecided? They're not going to vote at all, regardless.

So just stop it.

Oh, and... remember, back at the beginning of this rant? I had a point? No, really. Yeah. I'm absolutely serious about political candidates being subject to the Do Not Call Registry. They're running for a political office. That position is paid, right? Mostly, anyway? That can't be not-for-profit, even if the entire thing is paid for with donations. But mostly I find it to be harassment. That should be enough.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Dear Political Candidates,

I am going to give you a hint- not even a hint. No interpretation needed. Please pay attention to the following:

I am going to vote for whichever of you bitches does not send me any junk mail. Also, you have to make sure that your stupid supporters go back and pick up all those roadside signs they so carefully lined my commute with. Stop killing my planet. Planet killers.

The intelligent among you (bahahaha! Ohmygod, I am funny.) will point out a conundrum. What if more than one of us doesn't send you junk mail? Then we shall have a tie breaker! Whoever has fewer "my opponent is an asshole because" ads on television earns my vote! Now, I know it's hard to run a campaign based on your own strengths rather than your opponent's perceived weaknesses (aka the crap you either made up, exaggerated, or dug out of a dumpster), but I know you can't do it.

I Hate You So Much,

Wednesday, October 20, 2010