Tuesday, April 27, 2010

No matter where we all fall on the political spectrum (although, let's be honest, if you read my blog, the odds are against "conservative"...

...being one of your defining characteristics. It could be! All are welcome! Just odds against.), can we all just agree to stop using the term "teabaggers" for the current conservative movement? (NSFW. Holy hell, NSFW.) (Mom, please don't click that link. I said don't click that link!)

Please? Can we please choose a new term?

Monday, April 26, 2010

Dear Industry of Growers of Chickens,

I know that we, as a society, want everything bigger and faster and more, more more, more! (Everyone's inner-reading-voice should have just converted to Boris Karloff- "And they'd sing! AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING"!) (That was a reference to How the Grinch Stole Christmas! If you didn't get that from the last set of parentheses, you should never tell me because I will make fun of you forEVER.) I get it. The chickens have been bred for their breast-size, much like Hollywood actresses. You've gotten to the point that the poor little chickys can't stand up on their own, much less even flap their wings. All because we Americans like maintaining our fat asses, and it's way cheaper to grow one huge chicken than two little ones.

So, yes, I get why chickens, and more specifically chicken breast, has gotten bigger and bigger over the years. But this?

Holy Crap Look at the Size of That Breast

That's frickdiculous. Absofrickinlutely frickdiculous. Yeah, I had to double up on the made-up words to express the point. Thanks for that, too, Industry of Growers of Chickens.

Loveys and salmonella,


Friday, April 23, 2010

She's been begging for dance or gymnastics lessons...

So our conversations constantly alternate between all of the good reasons to get a dog and all of the good reasons for her to go to ballet or hip-hop or tap or gymnastics or...

Emily: ...and I really like dancing!
Ethan: Me, too!
Emily: You could take dancing lessons, too!
Ethan: No, thanks. I think I'm a great dancer.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

This is a post that is a link to a link.

Which I apologize for.

We've all heard about the girl who wanted to take her girlfriend to the prom. No, I didn't stutter. Girl, girlfriend. She is- gasp- a teenage lesbian. And her school said, "no". And the court said, "uh uh, motherfuckers, that's not allowed." And her school threw a pissy-fit and said, "FINE then! We didn't want to have a prom anyway, you big meanies! That is unless any one of our discriminatory disgusting asshole fine upstanding citizens would like to hold a private party for our select un-embarrassing students that we don't have to hide in the basement. Then we're totally into it."

Yeah, well. It's gone further. The Bloggess was upset by this. Read it. Follow the link.

The Bloggess was upset. She was hurt in her heart. I'm just pissed off. Listen up, state of Mississippi. Stand up and be counted as being against Itawamba Agricultural High School (yes, I am calling you fucking morons out by name), lest ye be painted with the same brush. This maliciousness is what is representing your state right now. Loud and clear, assert yourself.

This goes for everyone else, too. As I have always told my children, when you silently stand by when an atrocity is committed, you are supporting those who are inflicting it. Got it? Your silence is support to those that would do wrong.

Stand up. Speak up.