Cate Cate-bo-bate, banana-fana fo-fate, fee-fi-mo-mate, CATE!
The laundry mountain must be conquered...
This is called foreshadowing:
Emily: Mommy, can I put my new water bottle in the freezer?
Mommy: It's not a very good idea. If the water freezes, it'll break the bottle. I guess if you only leave it in there a few minutes it will be fine, but you can't forget about it.
In fairness, she remembered it the first time she attempted this. The second? Notsomuch.
Emily, running in with tears in her eyes: Oh, no! I forgot about my water bottle! Mommy!
Mommy: Okay, well, this here is a double life lesson. First, you didn't take care of your stuff. You weren't paying attention and you weren't careful. Also, you didn't listen to me. This is the end result. Second, this is representative of all that is wonderful and life-giving about water on our planet!
Daddy, taking bottle: It tried not to break. Look, even the bottom bowed out. This is really cool!
Emily, perking up for the first time: Really?
Mommy: Oh, yeah. Why'd it split?
Emily: *sigh* Because the water expanded.
Mommy: Yep. Why do the rocks in our yard crush up every winter?
Emily: I dunno.
Daddy: Same reason.
Emily: *confused look*
Mommy: The water gets into those tiny little cracks and expands when it freezes and the rock breaks up and gives moss and grasses a place to grow and over time you get life and life and more life! That's why water is so great and part of the reason it's life-giving.
Mommy: Also, that's why you don't have a water bottle anymore.
Daddy: But it's really neat to look at now.
So, hi. I'm Sarah. I haven't been around in a while, I know. Eeeehhhneeewaayyyy... I had a couple of interesting conversations at work. This is pretty much all you're getting out of me.
Me: Hi. Can I help you with anything?
C: No. How are you?
Me: I'm fine, thanks for asking. How are you?
C: I'm fine.
Me: That's great.
C: Did you go to college?
Me: I did indeed.
C: Oh. I did, too. I graduated from Yale in 1963.
Me: Wow. That's very impressive.
C: Thank you.
And he walked away. That's it. In its entirety. That was last night. The night before? This:
Me: How can I help you?
Different Customer: *blah blah pertinent to my job questions followed by:* You look very intelligent. Did you go to college?
Me: I sure did. (What? They both asked if I went to college, not graduated.)
DC: You look like you did. I bet it was an ivy league school.
Me: Nope, not a chance.
DC: Oh, but I bet you could have. So gorgeous and you don't look a day over nineteen. (Because if you didn't know he was crazy before this, you do now.)
Me: Thank you?
DC: Okay, thanks for your help.
Me: Have a good evening.
DC:Do you go to church?
Me: I do not.
DC: Do you believe in God?
DC: Do you read the bible?
Me: I have. (No, really. I have.)
DC: Do you believe in Jesus?
Me: Sure, there's a lot of evidence to support his having existed. (Honestly, it didn't really matter what I said; he was only listening to him anyway.)
DC: Do you believe in our Lord Jesus Christ who died for your sins so that you might live in heaven?
Me: Yes, absolutely.
DC: Do you repent for your sins and ask for forgiveness in confession?
Me: Okay, then. You have a good evening.
Update: *Because that crazy beyotch went and shut down her comments and I'm far too lazy to go emailing people... Andy! I'm totally with you. I've been talking to a friend online for well over two years (friggin' 696 conversations in gmail alone), and I'd probably crawl into a corner and rock back and forth and mutter to myself if she ever visited my area. Take comfort, Andy, in that I am (potentially) as effed up as you. Oh, and you're not one of the crazies. It's just coincidence that this is the "crazy" post. Really. No, really.