Monday, November 9, 2009

An Open Letter to Hershey's (Obviously They Didn't Pay Me to Write This Detritus)

Dear Hershey's,

I, for one, have never seen much point to chocolate flavored candy. If I want chocolate, just give me the effing chocolate, okay? But you chose to contaminiate riddle sprinkle my endearingly discounted bag of post-Halloween candy with the Hershey's Chocolate Pops (Naturally & Artificially Flavored Lollipop!).

Moments ago, I thought, "What the hell. I can't always be so closed-minded. How bad can they be?" How bad, indeed. I will tell you, since you obviously did not know before you put that nasty in my precious bag of joy. They can be that bad. I'm not saying "skunk-and-brussels-sprouts" bad. (Google just informed me of the "s" on the end of "brussels". The hell?) But just about as nasty as any candy- common to the United States, though, because, damn, rest-of-the-world (and Hershey's, apparently), don't you know candy is supposed to be yum?- can be and still be called "candy".

And, for swearz, I gave it an honest try. I even cracked that sucker open with a spoon, just to be sure you hadn't hidden some wonderful yum inside. You had not.

For shame,

P.S. Hey, Hershey's? Go get in line- behind Maine- on over at Cate's for a Punch in the Face Award. Happy nose bleed.

The Work of the Devil.
And Not the Fun Kind.


Call Me Cate said...

I've never seen these zebra-striped monstrosities. Maybe because I don't have ze children with ze Halloweening. What I'm saying is I'll take your word for it.

AinsleyB said...

You used the word detritus. I love you.