Wednesday, August 11, 2010

You know what Timer Warner Cable? Screw you.

You filthy bastards.

I get that you think you are technologically advanced. I get that you know that your fast-forward in On Demand mode is wonky at best, and I know that you know that I know that it is that way on purpose- makes it harder, in fact impossible, to fast-forward through those commercials that you add in in the midst of a show; oh, forgive me, that the network adds in.

Which, fine. I've not said a word. Commercials make the world go round. And you- at this goddamn point in time- limit those to commercials to 30 seconds spurts. So, fine, okay, a little bit of commercial.

Even though I pay through the nose.

For your shitty service that is so not fucking dependable that I have to watch shows On Demand because you fucking fail at recording things reliably.

And so I start a show up- one that I don't even particularly like- one that I watch because I'm most of the way into the season and I have an extraordinary sense of follow-through when it comes to shitty television series and because Cassie is watching it and I can't abandon her to face this hell alone- I start this show up and the first thing that comes across the screen is "*****". What. the. Mother Hell. What if I just want to catch the last four minutes- that bit that you mysteriously missed recording- instead of watching the whole thing? Ihateyouyousuck.

Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? You stupid kowtowing jackasses. Do you feel no sense of obligation to your customers? Are you going to allow these networks to simply keep walking all over us? Stand up for us.

You know what? I just watched one of the commercials. The first one was for the network, this one is for your service. You cancel fast-forwarding on this in order to force us to watch a commercial for an On Demand movie. Which means you are both assholes and you are using this as an example to show potential advertisers how they can pay you more money for more ad time.

So, since you're going to be making so much more money through this other source, you'll be lowering my bill, right? Right?

The next thing you'll do is make it so that we have to sit through five minutes of advertising, preemptively, every time we turn on the cable box.

You're welcome for the idea.

I'll be expecting my check in the mail.

You filthy bastards.


Call Me Cate said...

Since we dropped the Time Warner dvr in favor of Tivo, I can't access the OnDemand programs at all. Not even the PPV movies! That means if I want to watch a movie RIGHT NOW, I have to pay Blockbuster or Amazon instead since I can access those through Tivo. But not TWC's own PPV service.

Also, I quit this comment because every other word has a red underline and they're all spelled right. Just spellcheck doesn't recognize them. Nor does spellcheck recognize spellcheck. And now I'm angry at all the red lines and I'm done.

McGriddle Pants said...

I hate ALL the cable companies. I've moved around and NONE of them are good. Most of the time its because they have a monopoly in that particular area, sans Satellite (and don't get me started on that shit!)

We've gone without cable for a while now. Although it sometimes sucks, and I feel out of the loop, I'm not as angry.

We watch a LOT of movies (yes, I download them and burn them, FOR SHAME!) and I have Netflix. I LOVE netflix on demand. Never had a problem. And I can get about half of their entire catalog on command immediately with no commercials.

All for $15 a month.

Suck it Comcast.
Suck it DirecTV.
Suck it Time Warner and Tivo.