Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Also, it's not safe to climb the basement stairs slowly in the dark. You have to run. Or the ghosts will get you. Not that our house was built on...*

So, let me preface this by saying that I cannot sleep at night with my feet uncovered because gremlins will grab my ankles. That's right- gremlins. Not that I believe in them, but it's still true.

Last night: I am awoken by something slithering up my nightstand. Here, right at moment one, is where Sam's and my accounts differ. I say, upon seeing something move in the dark, I yell, "Oh, shit!" and launch myself over Sam to his side of the bed with him yelling and acting like somehow I'm overreacting. He's saying, "Just turn on my light, okay?" and I'm saying, "Are you kidding?! I'm not reaching over the side of the bed! Your side isn't any safer than my side! Do it your damn self!" Sam says I am fast asleep, sit bolt upright in bed, then proceed to crawl down to the end of the bed, around his feet, up his other side, then curl up in the fetal position, refusing to tell him what was wrong nor responding in any manner whatsoever.

Who are you going to believe?

I finally gather up my courage and take control of the situation and turn on his light because jeez, what a wuss, he couldn't even turn on his own light? There, blowing back and forth in the breeze from the ceiling fan, is one page from the magazine sitting on my nightstand. I plop a novel onto it to hold it still, triumphant.

"Ooh, honey. Your puzzle book is going to get you."

"Whatever. Something was gonna eat my face and you did nothing about it."

"Your... magazine? Was going to eat your face?"

"You didn't know."


*...an ancient cemetery or anything. It was farmland. So maybe it's cow-ghosts. Whatever. Is being trampled by ghost-bovine-hooves any better? No. Not that I believe in them, but it's still true.

8 comments:

Mom said...

Ah...I can ado you one better and we didn't even say the word....at 2 am one came flying into the bedroom....and was flying low, and with purpose...HE got out of the bedroom first yelling,"Come on...what is taking you so long?" I had to get the sheet protection and climb over the beds...it wasn't there this am so I guess I have to search...or just wait until tonight.....I think the basement door was left open again.

Sarah said...

I'm thinking you should clarify that you are referring to a bat and not to either a gremlin or a ghost. (Please, god, be talking about a bat.)

Strange Mamma said...

I just have creepy gremli...uh, I mean children, coming into my room at 5am and grabbing my ankles/fingers/hair/whatever is sticking out of the covers. Then I throw my husband at them in self defense. (he's not very heavy, I can totally throw him)

Call Me Cate said...

I only have cats. They're kinda creepy though. And we have an actual dead lady in our backyard (though we didn't put her there).

Great, now I'm not going to sleep tonight.

InMyOwnZoo said...

You should ask Christine about the scary breathing under her bed....

Sarah said...

Christine? Care to share?

Mom said...

And always, always run up the basement stairs if there are no riser on them...that hand will reach out and grab you, you know it will....RUN!!

Sarah said...

Ladies and gentlemen! There you have the reason I'm 30 years old and afraid of gremlins. Thanks, Mom.